


Yogurta Be Kidding Me

by JKirin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Flirting, Christmas Puns, Hilarity Ensues, I-can't-believe-I-wrote-this-and-will-deny-shamelessly-if-ever-asked-about-it-in-real-life, Idiots in Love, Innuendo, M/M, Puns & Word Play, Ridiculous, Romance, Sexual Humor, This is an extreme case of, condition, self-beta'd you've been warned, yogurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JKirin/pseuds/JKirin
Summary: A short story where Naruto can't avert his ice from Sasuke, and Neji tries to get up claus and personal with Kiba.AN: This story is a wild mix of frozen yogurt, Christmas and dairy puns, oblivious idiots, suggestive comments, cranky bastards, and hopeless romantics, so it gets pretty ridiculous and (hopefully) funny. Honestly, intellectual maturity doesn't exist in this fic, so don't come looking.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Inuzuka Kiba, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 14
Kudos: 22





	1. Go with the fro

**Author's Note:**

> Yogurt  
> Yog _ou_ rt  
> Yo _gh_ urt  
>  _Yoghourt_
> 
> Author's rant:  
> According to several sources, there are four legitimate spellings of this dessert/snack in English language. It varies by country, region, city or whatever – very confusing for a person for whom English is their third language. So, I had some in the fridge and looked at the package thinking that it would make sense to use whatever is printed there as it would most likely be relevant to my English speaking country, region, city. Guess what? The label had three—three!—of the four possible spellings... HOW?!? This wasn't helpful at all, which is why I made a decision to use the shortest word for the purposes of this fic. If it doesn't match your preferred spelling, please do not comment on it.  
> End of rant.

Naruto Uzumaki always knew he was too nice of a person. 

He would help an old lady to cross a street, loan money to a friend in need, tutor the good-for-nothing grandson of his landlord for free, cook for his godfather for a week ahead, proof-read his perverted novels, help new neighbours to move in, look after their cat while they're on vacation, or a dog, or a kid, or their aging mother, or— Yes, he was fully aware of the fact that people took advantage of his niceness practically daily. He tried to change that part of him and did get better at saying no over time, but allowing himself to be tricked into being stuck over Christmas in a fro-yo stand was a new low. 

When his cousin, asked him to fill in her spot for a couple of days, he should have known better. The sole fact that the girl committed to something other than a reality TV show—to something like an actual _job_ , no less—was suspicious enough. However, the way she asked should have been the downright giveaway: very nicely, batting long eyelashes while looking over her glasses from exactly the right angle that reminded him the most of his mother, whom he hasn't seen for over a year and missed so very much. What did he do then? He congratulated her on finally becoming a contributing member of society, told her that sure, he could fill in to help her out. Just for a week, right?

 _Riiiight_.....

The damn bitch packed her bags that same night and left with her boyfriend to Australia—fucking Australia!—for the winter holidays. 

Before leaving though, she had guts to lie to the fro-yo stand owner that Naruto would be filling her spot until the New Year. He did consider quitting right after the promised number of days, but damn niceness kept him in place – the owner was a little old bald man that had already hired someone starting in January but couldn't find anyone for the remainder of December. The man would have been stuck with doing the shifts himself, carrying all those buckets of frozen yogurt and fruit, while barely able to pick up plastic spoons! Naruto simply couldn't allow for that to happen.

So while Karin, his cousin, was enjoying her impromptu vacation on some of the best beaches in the world, wearing nothing but bikinis and feeding baby koalas from the palm of her hand smiling cutely to the camera (as her recent Instagram story showed), Naruto was stuck behind a counter in one of the busiest foodcourts of Konoha's financial district, surrounded by nothing but frozen yogurt and ridiculous toppings, wearing an ugly hairnet over his precious blond hair and apron that said _'Go with the fro'_. 

For real. 

She deserved to be tortured for the rest of eternity.

"This is the worst, Kiba!" barely a week in the job, Naruto still whined about his fate but at least there was someone who listened to his complaints. Thank heavens, he wasn't alone in this. 

The second server, who was carefully placing paper cups, straws, and plastic spoons in order, preparing for the busy after-lunch hour, was a guy his age, a bit shorter, carried more muscle, brown hair, brown eyes, and a set of impressive red fang tattoos on his cheeks. 

From what Naruto heard so far—and he heard a lot, because there was nothing quiet about Kiba—he loved sports, movies, and dogs. His huge family (the Inuzuka Clan, how he lovingly called them) was obsessed with fluffy tail-wiggling canines – his cousins took care of a dog shelter, sister was a vet, and his mother was training military dogs. How cool was that? He himself has started the last year of veterinary college in September and was working at the fro-yo stand part-time to help paying for school. 

"C'mon, dude. It's not that bad" believe it or not, the madman actually chose to work here. All because of a very simple reason "No one gets as many beauties as we do!" 

His wiggling eyebrows never looked more ridiculous.

"Not my type of beauties"

"Your loss, man"

Naruto groaned in response propping his head on one elbow, and moved his gaze from the counter towards Starbucks just across from them – the only thing that kept him sane so far. 

There was a long-long line of his type of beauties: fabulously dressed businessmen in polished shoes, ironed trousers that hugged all the right places, tailored jackets, and ties that begged to be pulled and taken apart. Two-piece suits, three-piece suits, red ties, blue ties—heaven. Vests were his most favourite, thouhg – there was something about men in shirts with rolled up sleeves at the end of the day, hugged by a fitted vest that made his suffering almost worthwhile. 

He perked up when a familiar face flashed through the crowd and straight to the front of the line: tall, probably just as tall as he was; great build that made expensive suit look so much more appealing; fair skinned; dark hair that framed his sharp-lined face. As usual, he had a crinkle in between the elegant eyebrows that always made Naruto wonder what was on his mind— Nope, he had no shame in admitting to himself that the man was an eye-candy. Too bad, the stranger never waited in line and, like today, was quick with picking up his order, which was probably placed online beforehand, leaving Naruto only with a brief moment to appreciate his looks.

"Stop drooling at the Hot Stuff and assist the customer" through the daze, he heard Kiba mutter, then felt an elbow struck right under his ribs.

"Hi, I will take a small Mr. Claus' Wonderland!" 

Annoyed at the interruption of his Star-gazing, Naruto processed the order and forced a smile at the customer, whose hair was just as pink as her order. She was actually a nice young woman that came to their store every once in a while, sometimes accompanied by other female colleagues from her office, which was the root of his constant disappointment. Their fro-yo stand only ever attracted pretty businesswomen and none of those delectable men in suits that frequented the Starbucks.

"Large Sweet 'n Naughty smoothie with that big thick straw you hiding in there" well, except for this one. Naruto snickered as Kiba froze behind the counter, face going red in one millisecond.   
"They are all standard. Standard!" shouted he back at the young man that placed the order and cringed at the wink that was sent his way. With a theatric huff, he turned away and threw ingredients into the blender.

"Make it extra naughty, won't you?" 

"Not a chance!"

The man was a regular customer that came by their stand almost every day much to Kiba's dismay. He was their age or only slightly older, slender, with long dark hair gathered in a ponytail somewhere mid-back, bright eyes, always impeccably dressed, which Naruto of course appreciated. The guy seemed to enjoy tormenting Kiba to a great degree with suggestive orders – the way his colleague got all flustered was damn hilarious, a highlight of his day.

"There! Hope you get fat from all those calories!"

"Oh, don't you worry. Nothing that a good man between the sheets can't fix." The man winked again, throwing cash on the counter, and walked away with a small smile. It was his win again today. 

"Why does he always do that?" Kiba slid to the floor from embarrassment, trying to fight the blush from his face. 

"Because you let him"

"I do not!"

"You so do." Naruto laughed and turned around to attend to the next customer, and then the next – afternoons were especially busy. It was like people had cravings for sweet chilly desserts late in the day, keeping them occupied almost to their closing time. 

Before finding himself here, Naruto thought that frozen yogurt was something for kids and summer, but he was proven wrong – adults loved it just the same, if not more, and season didn't seem to matter at all. Santa Swirl and Mr. Claus' Wonderland were the most popular, it seemed. Why people found it worth spending seven dollars on, he had no idea, but there were already five orders for those in the queue and he could only sigh.

* * *

One thing Naruto honestly appreciated in his sorry retail life was one simple fact – the time here flew fast and he expected the New Years to come quickly. Then, he would be free—free to mercilessly torture his cousin, that is, because today was insane and he didn't ever want to set foot back here again..

With the thoughts of long red hair dipped in yogurt and loud mouth stuffed with candy canes and gummy snowmen, Naruto was wrapping things up at the end of the day when he heard—

"You're still open?"

Kiba was long gone and his arms quite honestly couldn't manage another Santa Swirl, so he answered on autopilot that they were closed, then looked up at the quiet damn and froze.

Then his heart broke into a wild sprint.

There he was—grey tailored vest, pinstripe, pulled up sleeves, no tie today with two buttons loose exposing a bit of the pale neck. Dark hair looked messier than usual, like a hand raked through them several times, and Naruto got immediate desire to bury his in those locks, then massage pale temples for all the worries to go away – it must have been a hell of a day for the guy. 

"Hot stuff" Fucking hell, did he really just call the guy out loud by that nickname? 

"What?"

"Your coffee!" seeing a paper cup in the man's hand, Naruto quickly covered up his mistake. "Hot stuff you got in there! What's uh—need something?" 

"Would you happen to have some milk? They run out" asked the man and pointed back at the Starbucks, where one of the baristas was closing up the shop.

"Sure, we have some" he dug out a carton of milk used for smoothies and milkshakes and passed it to the other, watching him carefully add a splash to the cup.

"How much is it?"

"It's on the house" Naruto was simply happy about the fact that not only did he see Hot Stuff twice in one day, but got to talk to him, too. And what a nice voice—so deep and smooth—he could listen to it all day long.

All night, too.

"I don't like being in debt"

"It's milk, man. Starbucks doesn't charge you for it, why should I?"

"I am sure they have it included in the total cost of coffee"

"Well, I feel generous today"

"I insist"

"Well, I insist back" Naruto grin turned into a frown at the annoyed glare from the guy. "Look, I couldn't charge you even if I wanted to. It's not on the menu and i can't punch it in"

"Then, where's your tip jar?"

"We don't have tips here" this conversation wasn't going anywhere where Naruto wanted it to and he released a long frustrated sigh to express just that. "Can't you just take the kindness and go? I need to close up."

"Kindness is why majority of small businesses close within 5 years." said the man matter-of-factly, but turned to leave anyways, sipping on his coffee. 

"Well, this store has been doing just fine for over 10!"

"And you're about to—"

"It's a splash of milk!"

"Money is money"

_gah!_

"Go away!" Naruto shouted back just before dragging down the security grilles—along with the perfect image of his crush—and smashing it at the countertop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a WIP. So far, I have about 3 chapters written out of possibly 6. Not sure if I will be able to finish it before Christmas, but will do what I can. Hopefully this makes you laugh just a little bit!
> 
> Oh, just in case: Mr. Calus' Wonderland is not a typo. If my boys are falling in love with other boys, why would my man Santa not be married to a man? This only made sense!


	2. Christmas Special Menu!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really a chapter but a glimpse of the menu! These items are used throughout the story, so check them out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to menecio, Firelily, RenGoneMad, HazelBeka, and others from [Tenzō's Cabin Discord Server](https://tenzoscabin.tumblr.com/) for helping me out with names and flavours!

**GENJI'S FRO-YO**

* * *

_🎁Christmas specials!🎁_

**Santa Swirl**

strawberry and vanilla side by side swirl with fresh strawberry, pine-tree-shaped kiwi slices, chocolate syrup, and white pearl-shaped sprinkles

**Mr. Claus' Wonderland**

strawberry and mint side by side swirl with candy canes, fresh strawberry, strawberry pure, and gummy snowmen

**Sweet 'n Naughty***

chocolate and butter pecan side by side swirl with rum syrup, sliced banana, and candied pecans 

**Frozen Yocolate***

chocolate single swirl with whipped cream, baby marshmallows and cinnamon

**Christmas Treat**

green tea single swirl with blueberries, dried cranberries, strawberry pure, yellow pearl-shaped sprinkles, and gummy snowmen

**Swirl upon a Star***

blueberry and vanilla side by side swirl with shaved coconut, sugar syrup, and star shaped sprinkles

**Frozen Blitz**

peppermint single swirl with a fruit of your choice, honey, candy canes, and snowflake shaped sprinkles

**Christmas Present**

cranberry and orange side by side swirl with fresh oranges, dried cranberries, and chocolate syrup. 

Santa Dear-free options may be available, please ask our jolly staff!

_*also available as a smoothie_

* * *

_**🎁🎄HAPPY DAIRY CHRISTMAS!🎄🎉** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. Monday is a mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that many fro-yo puns in this one, but Neji with a braid should make up for it👀🎁

Naruto's hands were shaking as he held onto innocent red pages, trying not to drop them. He didn't consider himself a coward, but Monday morning rush was a scary thing. No one really bought any frozen yogurt this time of day but he still had to come in early – it was his turn to hand out flyers with their Christmas special menu, which old-man Genji designed and printed out with care to promote their little store. As if there weren't enough Santa Swirl and Mr. Claus' Wonderland orders daily to occupy both him and Kiba until nighttime. The dog boy wouldn't be coming in until later in the afternoon because of early classes, but that was alright. 

He got this. 

Or not.

Having only two things for an armour—a red elf costume with a tall hat (a special one, in bright red with white stripes, because he absolutely refused to wear green) and a new apron with _'Fro-ho-ho!'_ in big bold letters on it—he headed out with a deep sigh and heart full of uncertainty. Legends of retail heroes fallen to the morning rush in Konoha's food courts were written on the walls of back kitchens and sang by survivors in hushed tones after shifts. This would be his first battle and he was so not prepared for this.

Naruto braced himself and stood right in front of their store, seeing the strangers come in waves through the doors. It wasn't all too bad at first and he happily gave away the flyers, with bells on his hat gingerly singing. But far too soon, the crowd thickened – there was a subway nearby and people roamed through the foodcourt in a rush to get to their workplace. Like wildebeests stampeding from impending danger, they stepped on his toes, pushed him around, still grabbing flyers from his hands, surprisingly. 

Caught in the whirlpool of bodies, he came to a horrifying realization – the bells on his hat weren't there for a cheerful decoration, but so that his body could be located afterwards... that must have been the case for sure...

After another rough shove, Naruto found himself on the opposite side of the pathway from his store and not noticing the opening to Starbucks stumbled inside and collided with a hard body that was just about to head out. Flyers went flying to the floor, mixed with some other white papers that whoever he run into was carrying. 

His first instinct after collision was to catch the hot beverage that almost spilled over, and thankfully he accomplished the task by clasping both of his hands over the one carrying the cup. Excited at the avoided risk of a nasty burn and ruined clothes he laughed out and looked the person in the eyes ready to apologize for the whole mess.

As his blues met black, everything inside him stilled. Suddenly he became all too aware of the skin underneath his fingers, a hand on his upper arm, warmth between their bodies, and a very short hight difference, not in his favour. 

Hot stuff. 

Out of all the people in this fucked up foodcourt he had to run into this one. Shit.

"I'm sorry" said he quickly, immediately releasing the hold from the cup. Not thinking things through, he took a step back away from the guy's personal space, but ran into another person and got shoved right back into that damn hard body. Aroma of coffee mixed with the guy's cologne shot straight to his brain at a sudden intake of breath and he had to grab onto the man's shoulders to steady himself. 

His palms were burning over the soft material of a cotton shirt. 'From embarrassment' Naruto mentally added and ordered to himself to get the act together. He forced a breath out and took another step back, carefully, looking behind him this time to make sure not to bump into anyone. 

Seeing papers scattered over the floor, he winced and swore out loud. Flyers were nothing to worry about, he was sure that most of them were destined to end up under other people's feet anyways, but the other man's papers looked important. 

"Let me help you with that" said he and heard a soft 'Hn' in response before the man also crunched down to join him. As Naruto looked at one of the spreadsheet he frowned. Sure, he shouldn't really be paying mind to the other guy's business, but something there just didn't feel right. 

Naruto was good at numbers – they were part of his life, always, fascinated him. It was something he always wanted to work with in the future. Hence, Naruto got a degree in math and data science in the first place. If not for being stuck at the fro-yo stand (because of a certain hateful redheaded cousin), he would be actively trying to land a job somewhere in the offices upstairs, with one of the investment banks or business consulting firms, most likely market research devision. These sheets right here didn't look right. Naruto picked the last page from the floor and confirmed his suspicion.

"You have an error on this page" he couldn't stop his loud mouth from voicing out the verdict. 

"What?"

"The total amount doesn't add up" now that his trap opened, it refused to shut up.

"And you know this just by looking at it for one second?"

"Yes, I do" his first instinct was to elaborate on what exactly he meant, but then he remembered their encounter last week and decided to just drop the matter. Thankfully, the other man simply huffed in response and walked away after giving him back a stack of his flyers. Naruto decided not to dwell on it and went to distribute more of the Christmas menus. 

Surviving the Monday morning rush was top priority.

* * *

Today's morning didn't start well for Kiba. Usually, he would wake up, walk his dog, then study over breakfast, go to work and later attend classes in the evenings. Now that Christmas was approaching, they didn't have that many classes left and most were rescheduled to an earlier time. As such, instead of spreading holiday cheer with Christmas themed frozen yogurt and flirting with pretty customers, of course, along the way, he needed to attend a few classes. 

It wasn't that he didn't like school (he absolutely did because it was getting him closer and closer to opening one day a dog shelter of his own), but he simply hated the commute. Somehow, in these mornings he always found himself pressed to the back window of a subway train. 

Like now. 

It was stuffy, full of people, there were no handles – pure torture. 

At the next stop, there was a flow of bodies getting out giving him a moment to breathe. Surprisingly, it also came with an opportunity as one seat closest to him became available. Quickly, he sat down and made himself home, vowing not to give it up to anyone until the end of the line. Well, unless to an elderly, someone pregnant, handicapped, or with a child – he took pride in being a responsible member of society. 

When the the car filled with another crowd, he only tuned up his music and snuggled more into the furry hood. Even though it was hot, it provided the much needed separation from other people. If he were to zone out a bit until his stop, it would only be a bonus. 

When Kiba opened his eyes next, it was a few stops later and the music no longer played in his headphones, probably reached the end of the album he was listening to. He quickly checked his surroundings but could barely see anything past countless bodies. The train was approaching the city core, so the car was reaching the limits of its capacity if not already stretching it. 

He saw a couple occupying his previous spot being pushed further and further into the window. The woman's bag looked heavy, full of papers and probably a laptop, and the man was offering to hold it despite the stack of papers in his own hands. At least that's what Kiba thought was going on, it wasn't like he could hear shit among the loud constant noises of the train and the crowd in it. Anyways, who in their right mind traveled with loose papers in the subway? Weren't there special folders or folios for that shit? Kiba wouldn't know, not being interested in any paper-pushing careers or stationary. The man looked somewhat familiar though, but he quickly brushed off the thought as another stop made the couple sway and Kiba cursed under his breath. 

Standing up, he pushed people aside and made space for the young woman to squeeze through, gesturing for her to do just that. The poor girl looked a bit lost for a moment and glanced back at her companion but after receiving an approving nod, sighed in relief and sat down. She smiled at him mouthing out 'thanks'. 

"Very kind of you" Kiba felt the voice in his ear more than actually heard it and turned sharply to look at the man properly. 

Familiar pale eyes stared back at him and Kiba's own widened in recognition. It was the same guy that frequented their fro-yo stand and loved to make fun of him. He wore a grey topcoat over his suit, but the main difference was the hair. Instead of them being down, they were carefully braided and laid over the shoulder. 

Not really knowing how to respond, Kiba just stood there and hoped for it to not become one of their weird encounters. Seriously, what was with the guy asking him for thick straws every other time? Didn't he know that there were like two sizes of straws in the entire world? And he never made fun of Naruto's outfit either even when they wore exactly same stuff. It was weird and Kiba didn't like it in the least. 

As the train departed the station, by pure force of the movement, Kiba found himself falling towards the guy. Both of his hands flew up slammed over the glass on both sides the man's head so not to fall down on him completely.

"Is this what they call kabedon?" The guy laughed out and looked at him with those eyes again. Same expression he wore every day, making fun of him at work, mocking. This was turning out to be one of their usual conversations – he shouldn't have brought his hopes up.

"Just shut up" was all he could say, hating the blush coming over his cheeks. From anger, no doubt. Thankfully, his tattoos would cover most of it.

When the train came to a full stop, inertia was again not on his side. Being pulled in the opposite direction now, Kiba struggled to grab a hold of anything and stumbled backwards. A hand came out of nowhere to grab his coat and yank him back to balance, effectively saving him from a nasty fall. 

Straightening up he found himself nose to nose with the annoying man and waited for another remark come from his thin lips. Surprisingly, none came. Instead, after a short eye contact, the man bit his bottom lip and moved the gaze away somewhere past Kiba. Carefully and slowly the hand released its hold on his jacket and Kiba took a small step back, then found a hold on one of the rails above.

The rest of the way Kiba wondered if it was indeed a blush that dusted pale cheeks of the guy.

It was a weird morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> ❄️❄️❄️


	4. Eccentric Customers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiba is worried that his eccentric customer stops coming to their fro-yo stand and Naruto gets a weirdo of his own!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hc is that both Naruto and Sasuke are a bit taller than most people, just because. So, please go with it. Their height difference is compliant with canon, though, which is just under an inch in Sasuke's favour.

The fro-yo stand was quieter than usual that same Monday afternoon. Flow of customers was just the same and orders of Santa Swirls and Mr. Claus' Wonderlands kept coming in even bigger volumes, but everything just seemed to drag on. With tired hands and as if on autopilot, Naruto greeted the customers, mixed the ingredients for their order, took payment, and wished them good bye.

It was obvious that part of it was the fatigue from the morning adventures (oh, how he wished to never, ever be subjected to that torture again). The other oddity was Kiba's unusual silence and obedience but he quickly brushed it off as school related stuff, exams and all that. Thankfully, Naruto graduated earlier this year and didn't need to worry about any of it anymore. Other than the student loan still being a dead weight on his shoulders.

At one point Naruto even got tired of feeling tired, nothing could elevate his mood today, not even star-gazing, so he simply battled through the day like an average retail Joe. He was glad to see the old man Genji, though, who came by to give them an update on the holiday schedule: the food court wasn't working some of the days, which was great news, because any day away from this place was a holiday. Unfortunately, they would have to work on New Year's Eve, which totally sucked even though the only plans he had for the evening involved a bowl of popcorn and sappy movies on Netflix.

The afternoon rush came and passed without anything out of the ordinary until a familiar face flashed by, then paused and entered the line for a fro-yo. Naruto crooked his head in surprise. Why would the hot stuff come in here again? He was hoping it wouldn't be for another splash of dairy. Though, there was no cup in the man's hand and if the crowd on the other side was any indication, Starbucks wasn't running out of milk this time. 

Was it something to do with their encounter from just that morning? He didn't somehow make the day difficult for the guy by messing with the papers, did he? Who knew what exactly those numbers were for.

As the man approached, Naruto did all he could not to stare at the broad shoulders (covered by a blazer, bummer) and remember how firm they were under his hands, or how nice the cologne smelled. Not that he paid that much attention to it. Not at all. It was completely natural to notice these stuff while bumping into someone, right? Right. And the hight difference was just— not that many people were taller than Naruto and having had to actually rise his face even just a little to meet the man's gaze was causing his head to spin in a very good way. 

As he was daydreaming, thankfully without messing up the customers' orders too much, the line progressed and the brunet stood right in front of him. Though the only response to his professional 'Hi, what can I get you' was a frown, followed by a request so unexpected that Naruto had to double check if he heard it correctly:

"You want tomatoes on your frozen yogurt?" 

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Well, they are a fruit and it says here that Frozen Blitz goes with 'a fruit of your choice'." Naruto could only gape in response. "Tomato is my fruit of choice."

"Sorry, don't have any," Naruto finally found his voice and immediately entered his customer service mode. "Please choose from the offered orange, banana, strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, and kiwi" He honestly tried to add his professional smile at the end as Genji taught him, but no luck. This whole conversation was plain ridiculous.

"Blueberry is fine"

As Naruto was finishing up the order, the man asked him another question out of the blue.

"How did you know?"

"What?"

"That there was a typo."

"I just knew"

"Lucky guess? You barely looked at the sheet"

Naruto frowned. While he didn't feel like explaining himself, he disliked more when people just assumed things "No. Your sheet had an even amount of rows and all were odd numbers. The total of it will always be an even number. Yours wasn't."

"Hn." was all the man said before walking away. 

* * *

Somehow the brunet has made it a habit to show up every couple of days, but Naruto didn't enjoy the visits at all. Honestly, where did the hot guy go that he used to drool after every day and just when was he replaced with a prick that specifically went out of his way to start the weirdest of conversations? 

"What I am saying is if you had a non-sugary fruit, like tomato, in you menu, it would be an interesting business proposition setting you apart from the competition"

It was the third time the subject of tomatoes came up and everything inside Naruto was boiling. What was it with this guy? Who even thought about adding tomatoes to their frozen yogurt?

"We're a Christmas-themed fro-yo stand, in winter–," answered he this time. "I think we're quite far ahead of any competition."

"That's true"

"If you're not buying anything from what is already on the menu just move along, you're holding the line"

"Christmas Treat is fine, and go easy on the sprinkles"

'Extra sprinkles, it is.' He thought and sent a shooting glare at Kiba who was cackling in the corner, too happy at the fact that Naruto, too, got an eccentric customer of his own.

* * *

As persistent as a mosquito. There was no other way to describe the guy who kept showing up. Unfortunately, he was a paying customer, still, so Naruto had to process the order every time. To discourage this weird behaviour, though, he tried to ignore the bastard.

"You know, this machine is very slow" the stranger started that day pointing out at their debit card machine. 

"Yeah" he responded with a sigh, wishing the man would just forget the road to their fro-yo store.

"The more time it takes to process a transaction, the less time you get to actually earn money. You should fix it"

"Yeah, we should"

"Or begin to accept online payments, it is very efficient"

"This is also an option"

"Will you?"

"Probably not" he thanked heavens when the thing finally beeped, indicating that the transaction went through "Enjoy your day"

That failed, of course, and after every time, while waving at the leaving brunet, Naruto would count the days until the end of his sentence and come up with just as many new ways to torture his cousin after the New Years.

* * *

Kiba wasn't sure what to think about his eccentric customer anymore. Yes, his, because Naruto got one of his own, now, whom he refused to call hot stuff anymore, and Kiba needed to be able to separate the two. It was only logical thing to do.

So, after their subway meeting the guy didn't show up for a few days. Not that he cared about the fact at all. He just couldn't help but notice. He always noticed when a regular customer stopped coming by—it was only natural. Wasn't it?

When the guy did show up, he was weird. Like quiet-weird, which was the worst kind of weird because Kiba didn't like quiet, didn't know why people ever considered such insane thing in the first place. The customer ordered Frozen Yocolate then but didn't follow through with any comments, so Kiba did it for him, remembering one of their conversations:

"Let me guess, with extra whip?"

Receiving another silence in response and also due to the lack of eye contact, he fidgeted before cursing under his breath and making the order as usual. With no extra whipped cream. When the guy left, Kiba was still wondering if it was a faint blush that dusted his customer's usually pale cheeks but without knowing what could possibly be the reason for it, let go of the thought.

Though, not for long.

For some reason, the guy was persistently on Kiba's mind even after work hours. Like the other day he was walking through the market in search of Christmas presents (a festive leash for his dog, new rolling pin for his mother who keeps breaking the thing over and over again, other little things) and saw these cute hand-made bamboo straws. They were of different colour with silly patterns engraved on them, they also came in many different sizes. Instantly, the long-haired brunet appeared in his mind and Kiba wondered if those were the straws he always asked for. Then, Kiba huffed in response to his own thoughts and stormed as far away from the stall as possible. He made it all the way to the subway entrance before cursing and turning around.

"What is this?" the brunet asked him after receiving a small package with his order (a very unusual one for him – Swirl Upon a Star as a smoothie). It was one of the bamboo straws that Kiba picked up at the market. The thing looked ridiculous—with engraved snowflakes, it was almost an inch thick, for whatever bizarre reason, while the inner diameter still remained relatively the same as for bubble tea—he couldn't stop himself from buying it. Now, here he was, giving it to the eccentric customer of his, who was behaving weirdly lately. 

"It's a bamboo straw, the biggest one they had" the man stood like a statue looking at the object without any emotion crossing his face – just a point blank stare. Kiba begun feeling uncomfortable. Should he not have bought the thing? Was it unprofessional to give a gift to a customer? Probably not. He should have just walked by that stall at the market without doing anything unnecessary. But then, again, wasn't his customer always asking for thick straws?

"Is it good enough for ya, or you want something thicker?" He tried again but instead of a response saw the pale cheeks grow a brighter shade of red. That was definitely a blush he was seeing. Was he angry? God, he hoped he didn't make the guy angry. The customer moved his pale gaze from the object towards Naruto, who stood near the cash register wide-eyed, and opened the mouth to speak but Kiba panicked and blurted out a confession. "I just thought that anything bigger would be a choking hazard, though!"

At that, the man, with face flushed red down his neck, snapped his mouth shut, picked up the smoothie with the straw and promptly left. Kiba glanced at Naruto wanting to ask what was it that he said to make the guy leave like that but found him sitting on the floor laughing to tears.

"I'm sure it would be" was all the blond managed to say between the laughs, which wasn't at all helpful.

Thankfully, his idiocy didn't cost Genji a customer and the next time the man came by, Kiba considered it to be a good sign. Though, the atmosphere was even more awkward than before, which was driving him absolutely nuts. The quiet didn't suit his eccentric customer at all and he tried once more to start one of their conversations:

"Let me give you extra whip this time. I know you want it" He watched pale eyes widen, afraid that the guy would leave and never come back, then they narrowed and he released the breath he was holding, already anticipating the response:

"You know what, yes. Yes, I want." Kiba smiled at the faint blush on the man's cheeks and decided that this colour was now his favourite. "As a matter of fact, give it all you got."

"You're sure your ass won't suffer from that much whip?"

"Oh, my ass can handle it."

"Nothing a man between the sheets can't fix?"

"Exactly"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you _are curious_ , this is indeed a fact that a sum of even amount of odd numbers is an even number. Like 1+3, 1+3+5+5, etc.
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> ❄️❄️❄️


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